Uncle Joe's Football Takeaways: Week Five | Presented by: Better Display Cases
  • Tom Brady forgetting what down he’s on and losing again to backup quarterback Nick Foles is one of the most beautiful things to happen in the 2020 NFL season. The whispers of Patriots fans from years past continue to haunt Brady dreams at night as they’ve been saying the same thing since Week 1 like maddening drumbeat: “System Quarterback…System Quarterback…System Quarterback


  • The comeback story of Alex Smith is a touching one. No doubt about that, but of all the teams that Washington decided to activate him, it had to be against the team with Aaron Donald. No matter, Daddy Snyder’s just glad that he gets to waste more 5th round draft picks by trading away Dwayne Haskins.


  • The 13-game winning streak is finally over and we can all thank…the Raiders? Yup. Somehow Derek Carr & company managed to beat the defending Super Bowl champions on their own home turf. While the other teams are frantically studying the game film to find Kermitt Mahomes’ weaknesses, Andy Reid is currently sobbing away at the Golden Corral ice cream machine as he mourns the loss of becoming the next Belichick-Brady dynasty.
  • Cry Eagles, Cry! Though the Keystone Rivalry stats favored the City of Brotherly Love, the Eagles fans who are still drunk from last week’s victory were smart to stay drunk throughout the 38-29 loss to the Steelers. Unfortunately, the rest of the more-sober Eagles fans who refused to lose hope are now complaining about how the refs helped the Steelers stay undefeated. At least they still get to hold on to the NFC East! That’s gotta count for something! Right?


  • Jimmy Garoppolo goes from a Super Bowl appearance in February to being benched against the Dolphins in October! OUCH! But no worries, because good ol’ Jimmy G has a promising career as a chiseled GQ model. He’ll be just fine.


  • The Vikings literally could’ve won the game if they just kicked a field goal instead of trying to run it at 4th & Inches but of course they would produce a turnover that would allow Russell Wilson to lead a 94-yard drive in the pouring rain for a game-winning touchdown in the final minutes of the game. No wonder the Vikings have never won a Lombardi.


  • I bet that $40 million could come in real handy for all the king’s horses and all the kings men to put Dak Prescott back together again. Have no fear though, Dak Prescott will be back again next year to disappoint Cowboys fans before joining the CBS booth with his pal Tony.


  • Sure, the Browns are doing fairly well so far, but that doesn’t keep the rest of the AFC North from guessing how they’ll manage to screw it all up in true Cleveland Browns fashion. This is…after all…the Cleveland Browns. The last time the Browns started the season 4-1, some joker named Bill Belichick was the head coach.


  • The DOINK heard around the world as a missed field goal by Michael Badgley sends the game into overtime and Bears fans into a PTSD episode. That's a loooong flight back to Los Angeles! Meanwhile, Jameis Winston has watched the entire Netflix library on the sidelines and now is looking into finally getting HBO Max.


  • Why are there no buffalo in Tennessee? Because they all got slaughtered in Nissan Stadium in a whopping 16-42 loss to the Titans. Josh Norman is currently wearing a paper bag over his head on the flight home to Buffalo after being stiff-armed by Derrick Henry. Also, can we agree that Tuesday night football is a much-welcome addition to the NFL schedule? More please!

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