November 02, 2020Atlanta Falcons

Uncle Joe's Football Takeaways: Week Eight | Presented by: Better Display Cases

The Atlanta Falcons managed to fly away from another blown lead in the 4^th quarter in a 25-17 victory over the Carolina Panthers. Although I can’t really say watching two teams fight over the NFC South basement is the most ideal way to spend my Thursday night. I could’ve been watching Dr. Pimple Popper!

Oh how the turn tables…the “mighty mighty” Titans go from being Super Bowl contenders to losing to the…the Bengals? Joe Burrow apparently likes Cincinnati enough to start a new era and give his fans enough hope that their rebuild will be enough to give Cincinnati their first Lombardi. Now if only they could get an Amtrak train to show up in broad daylight, then that city would really be on the come up!
Stephen Gostkowski apparently has the kicking accuracy of Charlie Brown. Come on, this man went to the Super Bowl how many times? Now he has the most missed field goals in the entire league? Time to send him back to New England so Bill Belichick can take him around back of Gillette Stadium and give him the “Old Yeller” treatment.

Injury report: Vikings Running Back Dalvin Cook with a severe back injury from carrying the entire Minnesota Vikings offense on his shoulders to victory over the Packers with 226 yards. No worries though, it’s not like the Packer’s defense gave him that much trouble to begin with. While the rest of the country is worrying about Election Day, Packers fans are perhaps more worried about the looming trade deadline at 4pm.

Bill Belichick was last seen on the phone pleading with Subway’s ad agency to star in more commercials as the Patriots sink to 2-5. Either way, you can’t help but wonder whether Belichick’s “system” was the quarterback.

Not even the likes of Aaron Donald could save the Rams defense from giving up 28 points to the Dolphins. Meanwhile, Fitzpatrick was seen on the sidelines browsing Indeed for jobs. He likes his odds of becoming the new merchandising supervisor at Dick’s Sporting Goods, but he really hopes to hear back from his audition for a community theater production of “Macbeth”.

Remember when the Browns started 4-1 for the first time since 1995? When everybody was saying that Baker Mayfield was “actually good” and how much they loved Myles Garrett? That this might finally be “their year”? I think it’s safe to say that nobody is saying those things anymore after only scoring two field goals against the Raiders.

Apparently, the only thing standing in the way of the Baltimore Ravens clinching the AFC North wasn’t the Pittsburgh Steelers…but 15-yard penalties! Meanwhile, Big Ben is just thankful that the “Steel Curtain” defense was strong enough to make up for a lack of production on offense. Two weeks in a row the Steelers have given us a nail biter, now they head to Dallas for a lovely Sunday picnic with Andy Dalton.

Javon Wims has spent 2 years in Chicago and still doesn’t know how to throw a punch? All because of a mouth guard? I guess it make sense since he won’t be able to go out in public again without one. Nothing paints a bigger target on your back than the entire city knowing you "hit like a female" as Gardner-Johnson puts it.

Apparently, the only way Tom Brady can win against the Giants is by being in a Buccaneers uniform. Even then, he barely managed to pull out a win. I mean, seriously? The Buccs only managed to score 6 points in the first half? They certainly can't play like that if they want a Lombardi.