Uncle Joe's Football Takeaways: Week One | Presented by: Better Display Cases

Here are Uncle Joe's Takeaways for Week One of the NFL Season:

1. Tom Brady should've retired.
2. Carson Wentz needs a restraining order from Aaron Donald by Sunday.
3. Fans should suggest new Netflix shows for Jameis Winston to watch on his tablet while Drew Brees takes the Saints back to the NFC Championship.
4. Big Ben finally looks more like a Hall-Of-Fame quarterback instead of a 160-year old clock tower.
5. Check on your friends who had James Conner & Saquon Barkley on their fantasy teams. They are not ok.
6. Stephen Gostkowski is Bill Belichick's revenge against the Titans for denying him another infinity stone that he could've used to buy the entire island of Nantucket.
7. The Cowboys losing is always a great way to start the NFL season.
8. With everything that's changed during COVID-19, the AFC North can rest assured that the Browns are still...the Browns.
9. Joe Burrow is currently filling the void in his soul with Skyline Chili after realizing he's playing for the Cincinnati Bengals. 
10. Tom Brady should've retired.